Confidence

 Confidence

Confidence means feeling sure of yourself and your abilities — not in an arrogant way, but in a realistic, secure way. Confidence isn't about feeling superior to others.  It's a quiet inner knowledge that you're capable.

Confident people:

• feel secure rather than insecure
• know they can rely on their skills and strengths to handle whatever comes up
• feel ready for everyday challenges like tests, performances, and competitions
• think "I can" instead of "I can't."

Why Confidence Matters

Confidence helps us feel ready for life's experiences. When we're confident, we're more likely to move forward with people and opportunities, not back away from them. And if things don't work out at first, confidence helps us try again. A lack of confidence can hold people back from reaching their full potential.

Has someone told you that you're smart? Funny? Kind? Artistic? A good student? A good writer? A good athlete? When people praise us or recognise our skills and capabilities, it can boost our confidence, as long as we believe these good things, too. To feel truly confident, you need to really think you are capable.   Confidence helps us move forward to discover and develop our capabilities. When we see what we're capable of and take pride in our achievements, confidence gets even stronger.

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is an attitude about your skills and abilities. It means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control in your life. You know your strengths and weaknesses well and have a positive view of yourself. You set realistic expectations and goals, communicate assertively, and can handle criticism.

On the other hand, low self-confidence might make you feel full of self-doubt, be passive or submissive, or have difficulty trusting others. You may feel inferior, unloved, or sensitive to criticism. Feeling confident in yourself might depend on the situation. For instance, you can feel very confident in some areas, such as academics, but lack confidence in others, like relationships.

Low self-confidence may stem from various experiences, such as growing up in an unsupportive and critical environment, being separated from friends or family for the first time, judging oneself too harshly, or being afraid of failure. People with low self-confidence often have errors in their thinking. 

How To Increase Your Self-Confidence

· Recognise and emphasise your strengths. Reward and praise yourself for your efforts and progress.

·        When you stumble on an obstacle, treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Don't dwell on failure.

·        Set realistic and achievable goals. Do not expect perfection; it is impossible to be perfect in every aspect of life.

·        Slow down when you are feeling intense emotions and think logically about the situation.

·        Challenge making assumptions about yourself, people, and situations.

· Recognise that past negative life experiences do not dictate your future.

·        Express your feelings, beliefs and needs directly and respectfully

·        Learn to say no to unreasonable requests.

Individual counselling can also help increase your self-confidence if you need more help.

How to Be More Confident

1. Build a confident mindset.  When your inner voice says, "I can't," retrain it to say, "I can." Or you could also say, "I know I can learn (or do) this if I put my mind to it."
2. Compare yourself kindly. It's natural to compare ourselves with other people. It's a way to understand ourselves and develop the qualities we admire. But if comparisons often leave you feeling bad about yourself, it's a sign to work on your confidence and self-esteem.
3. Shake off self-doubt.  When we doubt our abilities, we feel inferior, unworthy, or unprepared. That can make us avoid people and situations we might enjoy and grow from.
4. Take a safe risk.  Sign up for a school committee, volunteer to help with a project or bake sale, or try out for a team or talent show. Raise your hand in class more often. 
5. Challenge yourself to do something that's just beyond your normal comfort zone.  Pick something you'd like to do if only you had more confidence. Give yourself a little push and do it. Now that you've done that, pick something else to try, and keep repeating this same process. Confidence grows with every step forward.
6. Know your talents and help them shine.  We're taught to work hard to improve our weaknesses. Sometimes that's important, like bringing up a bad grade. But don't let working on a weakness prevent you from getting even better at the things you're good at.
7. Do your homework. Study. Do assignments. Prepare for class, tests, and quizzes. Why? If you've been keeping on top of classwork all along, you'll feel more confident in tests and finals. The best defence against test anxiety and school stress is to keep up and do the work steadily.
8. Dare to be the real you.  Let others see you for who you are — mistakes, insecurities, and all. Insecurities are easier to move past when we don't feel like we have to hide them. Embrace your quirks instead of trying to be like someone else or acting in a way that's not true to you.
   
   It takes courage and confidence to be real. But the more real we are, the more self-confident we become. Confidence builds self-esteem.

Confidence levels go up and down for all of us, even the most confident-seeming people.

If something shakes your confidence, show yourself some understanding. Don't criticise yourself. Learn from what happened, think about what you could have done differently, and remember it for next time. Talk about what happened with someone who cares. Then remind yourself of your strengths and the things you've achieved. Get back in the game!

Confidence at Work

Meaningful work that we are good at is one of the things that grows confidence the most. The more roles we fill at work, the more sources there are for our self-esteem. But in fast-paced environments, these duties can be more of a drain. Often, the demand to move on to the next task precludes any positive reinforcement you might get for a job well done on the last project.

This is especially true if you are wearing many hats others don’t see, and for those with deep, strong self-esteem, this might be okay. But if you or a colleague is struggling to keep a game face on, here are some boosts recommended

·       Spend 15 minutes focused on a passion, whether it’s researching new recipes, calling a loved one, or going for a walk.

·       Every day, make a list of the three best efforts you made that day, not the best outcomes you achieved, but where you tried hardest. Or, make these lists for each other as co-workers! Either way, review weekly for 15 reasons to be proud.

·       Find some blank wall space you see every day and fill it with tangible representations of your value: a pay stub, a thank you note, a performance review, photos, and more. This could also be coordinated on a team level. Change the display every month so you never feel like the reasons to stay confident have gone stale. 

Confidence with Friends

It’s one of the big misconceptions of our youth when we assume a lot of friends and a full social calendar equate with confidence. The trope of the popular boy or girl who is insecure beneath their smile is a stereotype for a reason. One study by the Canadian Institute for Advanced Research found that memberships in groups or clubs grow confidence the most over time. This is because “people take pride in, and derive meaning from, important group memberships,” according to the study. Even the most established social circle isn’t guaranteed to share values the way a membership organisation does. In fact, it’s feelings of values conflict and being “snubbed” that often lead us to lose confidence with friends.

• Get up and walk around. Take up space and assert your presence.
• Don’t wait for people to ask questions; just jump into the conversation and start sharing. Even if only one person on the side is listening, you are still being heard.
• If you can’t talk to others, go to a private place and talk to yourself. Remind yourself why you came to meet with friends, what they like about you, and, most of all, what you like about yourself.

Confidence with Family

Family often knows us better than anyone else and knows more about us, too. For this reason, family gatherings or interactions can be some of the places it is simultaneously easiest and most difficult to sustain self-esteem. This is especially true if you have a critical family. Sharing the story of achievement with the people you have known all your life is an exciting and gratifying moment. But when that is followed up by someone harping on a past mistake you made or bringing up your flaws, the good turns to bad. The motivations for this might be humour or to inflate their self-esteem by lowering yours.

Whatever the reasons you or a relative might lose confidence around each other, blogger Teresa Newsome asserts that fixing the issue is all about setting boundaries. “There’s a way to shut down those conversations in a kind way and to steel yourself from the blows to your self-esteem that sometimes accompany them.” “It takes work, and not everyone will be happy about it, but the people who truly love you will get it and get on board.” Here are some tips she shared for starting the process:

Confidence is feeling assured of your abilities, value, and worth. At work, with friends, and with family, it’s important for you to feel that way. If those around you don’t have confidence in you, that affects your ability to have confidence in yourself. People are usually willing to give feedback about why they don’t trust or believe in you, but remember this may or may not be well-intended. The refuge of the insecure is often to attack those who are more confident. If you’re not sure how to tell the difference, refer back to one of our earlier posts about giving and receiving feedback!