Relationships - Which do You Want?

 Relationships - Which do You Want?

Because of life experiences, many of us develop unhealthy relationship habits and ideas. This can lead to the fostering and creation of unhealthy romantic relationships, such as co-dependency. Then, there’s independence, which is good in some situations but can seriously flop in a romantic relationship. And lastly, there’s the holy grail of relationships: Interdependence.  

What's the Difference Between Co-dependency, Independence, and Interdependence?

Co-dependency means you turn to others to make decisions for you. In a romantic relationship, this usually means doing whatever your partner wants to do or turning to them to make the final call on all decisions and choices. In other words, you trust them more than you trust yourself. 

On the other hand, independence sways toward more self-interested actions and intents. And yes, this is important in some respect. You should be your own person in any relationship. But it can also be damaging since it may mean you don’t truly invest in a relationship or the needs of the relationship and the other person. Interdependence is the real goal. It involves both parties pulling their weight and considering and caring for one another. It also doesn’t mean losing your sense of self, which tends to happen in a co-dependent relationship. 

Again, relationships can have aspects of all of the above. But you really want to aim for interdependence to build those meaningful relationships in healthy and functional ways. Interdependence is and ought to be as much the ideal of man as self-sufficiency. Man is a social being.

An interdependent relationship includes:

• Healthy boundaries
• Time for your own personal endeavours
• Clear communication
• Active listening
• A safe space for each other to be vulnerable
• Good self-esteem of both parties
• Owning your actions and mistakes and taking responsibility for them
• Being approachable, friendly, and honest with one another

All of this creates a relationship where each partner feels valued and respected. They feel secure in themselves, but also know that they can turn to their partner at any time.  

Achieving Interdependence

Step 1: Know Yourself BEFORE Getting in a Relationship

Before you even think about joining up with another, you’ll want to get to know yourself. This means knowing your value and knowing what you want out of life, without the interference of another. The idea is to find someone who complements these values and pursuits.

Step 2: Continue to Work on Yourself

When stepping into a relationship and settling into one, keep in mind the idea of continuing to work on yourself. Just because you’ve found your match, it doesn’t mean that growth and self-improvement aren’t important for the relationship.

Within an interdependent relationship, both partners are committed to growth and self-improvement. You cheer each other on. You help each other talk and think through feelings or conflict. In a healthy relationship, you should both support one another.

Step 3: Set Boundaries, Communicate Regularly, and Confide In One Another. Healthy boundaries ensure that respect and understanding go both ways. And a lot of this comes down to regular communication. Talk about when things bother you. Discuss ways to address disagreements better. Build these boundaries and layers of respect with each other. It can help you both feel good and heard in your relationship.

On top of this, be vulnerable!

Create a safe space where you can both trust one another to share. This is where the magic truly happens with relationships. You get to know someone on a deeper level, and this can bring so much meaning and fulfilment into your life. 

Build Healthy & Meaningful Relationships for a Great Life

Society and civilisation wouldn’t exist without these relationships.

As humans, we’ve got as far as we have because we are social creatures. We collaborate. We work together. This is how we are where we are. And all of this comes down to good communication, boundaries, and more, which are all present in an interdependent relationship. 

The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is just to be a bit better than the day before. And you can absolutely bring this. In turn, you’ll find greater happiness and even more meaning.